How to Plan a Roast Tour in Long Beach

Long Beach, California, is a vibrant coastal city known for its eclectic culture, historic landmarks, and thriving food scene. But beyond its famous Queen Mary, Pike Outlets, and beachfront boardwalk lies a lesser-known, yet increasingly popular, form of local entertainment: the roast tour. A roast tour in Long Beach isn’t about burning bridges—it’s about celebrating the city’s quirks, hidden gems, and colorful personalities through humor, storytelling, and immersive local experiences. Whether you’re a resident looking to reconnect with your city or a visitor seeking an unforgettable, offbeat adventure, planning a roast tour offers a unique blend of comedy, culture, and community.

Unlike traditional sightseeing tours that focus on facts and dates, a roast tour turns the spotlight on the absurd, the beloved, and the oddly iconic. It pokes fun at local legends—like the man who still waves at every car on Ocean Boulevard, the “mystery” taco truck that appears only on Tuesdays, or the historic theater that once hosted a live llama performance. The goal? To make people laugh, think, and see their city in a new light. When done right, a roast tour becomes more than entertainment—it becomes a cultural artifact, a shared memory, and even a tool for local tourism promotion.

This guide will walk you through everything you need to know to plan a successful, engaging, and legally sound roast tour in Long Beach. From identifying your audience and scripting punchlines to securing permits and leveraging local partnerships, you’ll learn how to turn a silly idea into a memorable, repeatable experience that resonates with locals and visitors alike.

Step-by-Step Guide

Define Your Tour’s Purpose and Audience

Before you map out your route or write your first joke, ask yourself: Why are you doing this? Are you creating a tour for tourists looking for something different from the standard beachfront experience? Are you targeting locals who’ve lived in Long Beach for decades and want to laugh about their own neighborhoods? Or are you aiming to promote a business, event, or cause through satire?

Your purpose will shape every decision. If your goal is tourism-driven, your humor should be accessible to outsiders—avoid inside jokes that only residents understand. If you’re targeting locals, lean into hyper-specific references: the traffic nightmare at 7th and Ocean, the legendary “soggy burrito” from that one food truck on Pacific Coast Highway, or the fact that the city has more public art installations per capita than any other city in Southern California.

Identify your audience’s age range, interests, and sense of humor. A tour aimed at college students might include irreverent takes on Long Beach State’s “mysterious” parking situation, while a tour for retirees might gently mock the city’s infamous “senior discount” line at the post office. Tailor your tone accordingly—dry wit, slapstick, or satirical news-style commentary all work, but consistency matters.

Research and Curate Your Roast Targets

A great roast tour is built on authentic, recognizable targets. Spend time walking or driving through Long Beach’s neighborhoods—Downtown, Belmont Shore, the Shoreline Village area, Naples, and the East Side. Talk to shop owners, baristas, street performers, and longtime residents. What do they complain about? What do they secretly love? What’s been around so long it’s become folklore?

Here are some proven roast-worthy Long Beach landmarks and phenomena:

• The “Forever Construction” site at 1st and Pine—still under renovation since 2012.
• The “Giant Plastic Dolphin” at the Aquarium of the Pacific—referred to by locals as “Dolphin the Unimpressed.”
• The “No Parking Ever” zone on 2nd Street between Ocean and 10th—where even emergency vehicles hesitate.
• The “Mystery Man” who stands on the corner of 4th and Ocean every afternoon holding a sign that says “I’m Not Lost, I’m Waiting.”
• The annual “Long Beach Seafood Festival” where the shrimp tacos are legendary, but the porta-potties are… unforgettable.

Document these with photos, timestamps, and anecdotal quotes. The more real and specific your targets, the more relatable—and hilarious—your tour becomes. Avoid targeting individuals unless they’ve given explicit consent. Roast the place, not the person.

Design Your Route and Timing

Your tour route should be logical, safe, and optimized for foot traffic or vehicle access. Most roast tours in Long Beach last between 90 minutes and 2.5 hours. Plan for 6–10 stops, each lasting 8–15 minutes. Prioritize locations that are visually distinctive and easy to gather around.

Sample route outline:

1. Start at the Long Beach Convention Center (the “epicenter of overpromising”)
2. Walk to the Aquarium of the Pacific (where the dolphins judge your life choices)
3. Head to Shoreline Village (where the fountains play “YMCA” on loop)
4. Stop at the “Forever Construction” site (the city’s longest-running reality TV show)
5. Visit the “Mystery Man” corner (a local monument to patience)
6. End at the Pike Outlets food court (where the nacho cheese has its own fan club)

Use Google Maps or MapMyWalk to measure distances and ensure accessibility. Avoid routes with heavy traffic, construction zones, or private property without permission. Always include shaded areas and rest stops—Long Beach summers can be brutal.

Timing matters. Schedule your tour for late afternoon (4–7 PM) during weekdays to avoid peak crowds, or weekend mornings if targeting tourists. Avoid holidays when businesses are closed or traffic is chaotic.

Script Your Roasts with Intent

Roasting isn’t just insult comedy. It’s affectionate exaggeration. The best roast lines make people laugh, then nod in agreement. Avoid mean-spirited jabs. Instead, use irony, hyperbole, and absurdity.

Example script for the “Forever Construction” site:

“Welcome to the most honest piece of infrastructure in Long Beach. Since 2012, this site has promised to be ‘coming soon.’ And yet, here we are—12 years later, and the only thing that’s been completed is the patience of the people who walk past it every day. The sign says ‘Luxury Condos Coming Soon.’ We’re not sure what’s more luxurious: the condos that never arrived… or the fact that we’ve all become experts in construction-based meditation.”

Each stop should have a 1–2 minute monologue. Keep it tight. Use rhythm, repetition, and punchlines. Record yourself delivering the lines. Listen for pacing. If you’re not chuckling while reading it aloud, it needs work.

Include call-and-response moments: “How many of you have waited here for more than 10 minutes?” Let the crowd react. Their laughter becomes part of the show.

Obtain Necessary Permissions

Long Beach has strict regulations regarding public gatherings, amplified sound, and commercial tours. Even if your tour is “free,” you may still need permits if you’re using a megaphone, gathering more than 25 people, or promoting a business.

Visit the City of Long Beach’s official website and navigate to the Department of City Planning or the Office of Special Events. Apply for:

• A Public Assembly Permit (if gathering 25+ people)
• A Sound Amplification Permit (for speakers or microphones)
• A Commercial Tour Permit (if you’re charging or monetizing the tour in any way)

Apply at least 30 days in advance. Include your route map, estimated crowd size, and a written description of your content. Be transparent. If your tour is satirical, note that it’s “humorous commentary” and not a factual historical tour. This prevents misunderstandings with city officials.

Also, contact property owners if your route includes private plazas, retail corridors, or businesses. A quick email or phone call saying, “We’re doing a fun, lighthearted walking tour that features your location—we’d love your blessing!” goes a long way. Many shop owners will be flattered and may even offer free samples or discounts to your group.

Recruit and Train Your Host(s)

Your tour host is the face of your brand. They need charisma, quick thinking, and a strong sense of timing. Look for local comedians, theater students, podcasters, or even passionate residents with a knack for storytelling.

Train them on:

• Timing and pacing of jokes
• How to read the crowd (when to pause, when to speed up)
• Handling unexpected questions or interruptions
• De-escalating any discomfort (e.g., if someone takes offense)

Role-play scenarios. What if someone yells, “That’s not funny!”? Have a calm, humorous response ready: “You’re right. I’ll roast the city council next time.”

Always have a backup host. Emergencies happen.

Market Your Tour

Marketing a roast tour requires charm, not ads. Use social media to build hype. Create a hashtag like

LongBeachRoastTour or #LBLooneyTour. Post short video teasers: a 15-second clip of your host at the “Mystery Man” corner, saying, “He’s been waiting here since 2017. We think he’s part of a TikTok experiment.”

Partner with local influencers—food bloggers, history TikTokers, or comedy creators. Offer them a free spot on the tour in exchange for content.

List your tour on:

• Eventbrite (as a “fun experience”)
• Visit Long Beach’s official tourism site
• Facebook Events and Meetup.com
• Local community boards (Nextdoor, Reddit’s r/LongBeach)

Use keywords: “funny walking tour Long Beach,” “unique things to do in Long Beach,” “comedy tour California,” “offbeat attractions.”

Offer early-bird discounts or group rates. Create a loyalty program: “Attend 3 tours, get a free Long Beach Roast Tour T-shirt.”

Prepare Logistics and Safety

Plan for weather, hydration, and crowd control. Bring:

• Water bottles for your team
• A first-aid kit
• Signage for your group (e.g., “Roast Tour—Follow the Banana!”)
• Portable chairs for rest stops
• A printed map for participants

Assign a “sweeper” to stay at the back of the group and make sure no one gets left behind. If you’re using microphones, test them in advance. Avoid Bluetooth speakers in crowded areas—they can interfere with emergency radios.

Have a cancellation policy. If it’s 95°F and there’s a heat advisory, reschedule. Your audience will appreciate safety over stubbornness.

Collect Feedback and Iterate

After each tour, ask participants to fill out a quick Google Form. Ask:

• What was your favorite stop?
• What joke made you laugh out loud?
• What should we roast next time?

Use their answers to refine your script, add new targets, or remove underperforming stops. Repeat participants are your best marketing tool. Encourage them to tag you on Instagram or leave a review.

Keep a “Roast Hall of Fame” list—locations that were so iconic they became recurring features. Over time, your tour evolves into a living document of Long Beach’s soul.

Best Practices

Balance Humor with Heart

The most successful roast tours don’t just make fun—they make people feel seen. The best jokes come from a place of affection. When you roast the “mystery” taco truck that only appears on Tuesdays, acknowledge why people love it: “It’s not the best taco in town. But it’s the one that shows up when you need it most—like a friend who shows up late but brings the salsa.”

End your tour with a genuine moment. Maybe a thank-you to the city, a shout-out to a local artist, or a toast to Long Beach’s resilience. It transforms your tour from satire into celebration.

Respect Boundaries

Never roast people who can’t defend themselves. No mocking homelessness, mental health, or poverty. Avoid stereotypes based on race, gender, or religion. Roast the absurdity of systems, not the humans caught in them.

If a business owner asks you to remove their name, comply immediately. Your tour’s credibility depends on trust.

Stay Legally Compliant

Don’t use copyrighted music, logos, or trademarks without permission. If you’re selling merchandise (T-shirts, mugs), ensure your designs don’t infringe on city seals or registered trademarks. Use original artwork.

If you’re filming for YouTube or social media, get signed release forms from participants who appear on camera. Even if they’re in the background, it’s safer to ask.

Embrace Imperfection

Some days, the crowd is small. Some jokes flop. That’s okay. The most memorable tours are the ones that feel real. If your microphone dies halfway through, laugh it off. “Guess the city’s trying to silence us. Too late—we’ve already roasted the mayor.”

Authenticity beats polish every time.

Collaborate, Don’t Compete

Long Beach has other walking tours: ghost tours, history tours, art tours. Instead of seeing them as rivals, partner with them. Offer to do a “Roast & History” double-header. Cross-promote. Your audience might love both.

Document Everything

Keep a tour journal: which stops worked, which jokes landed, what the weather was like, how many people showed up. Over time, you’ll see patterns. You’ll know that “The Mystery Man” stop always gets the biggest reaction on rainy days. Use that data to improve.

Tools and Resources

Mapping and Planning

• Google Maps – Plan and save your route, add custom pins for each stop.
• MapMyWalk – Track distance, elevation, and time between stops.
• Whimsical – Create visual route maps to share with your team or partners.

Scripting and Delivery

• Notion – Store your tour script, notes, and feedback in one place.
• Grammarly – Polish your writing for clarity and rhythm.
• Otter.ai – Record your rehearsals and transcribe them to catch awkward phrasing.

Marketing and Promotion

• Canva – Design eye-catching flyers and social media graphics.
• Mailchimp – Send email newsletters to past participants.
• Buffer or Hootsuite – Schedule social media posts in advance.

Permits and Legal

• City of Long Beach Special Events Portal – www.longbeach.gov/department/special-events
• California State Attorney General’s Office – For consumer protection guidelines on tour services.
• Small Business Development Center (SBDC) – Long Beach – Free consulting for tour operators.

Community Engagement

• Long Beach Public Library – Access historical archives and photos for authentic references.
• Long Beach Historical Society – Connect with locals who remember the city’s quirks before social media.
• Local Comedy Clubs (e.g., The Improv, The Comedy Store Long Beach) – Network with comedians who might host or promote your tour.

Real Examples

Example 1: “The Taco Truck That Never Sleeps” Tour

A local podcaster named Marco started a weekly roast tour centered on Long Beach’s legendary food trucks. One stop was “Taco Loco,” a truck that opens at 2 AM and closes at 6 PM—except on Sundays, when it opens at 11 AM and closes at 10 PM. “No one knows why,” Marco joked. “But we’ve all made peace with it. Like a bad ex, it shows up when you least expect it… and always has the extra cilantro.”

He posted short clips on TikTok. One video of him pretending to propose to the taco truck (“Will you be my 3 AM emergency?”) went viral. Within three months, his tour sold out every weekend. He partnered with a local brewery to offer “Roast & Brew” nights—$15 for the tour and a craft beer.

Example 2: “The City That Forgot to Fix the Fountains”

A group of theater students created a roast tour focused on Long Beach’s malfunctioning public fountains. At Shoreline Village, they performed a mock funeral for “Fountain

3,” which hadn’t worked since 2015. They played “Taps” on a kazoo. The crowd laughed, then took selfies with the broken fountain. The city’s Parks Department saw the video and, months later, fixed it.

They didn’t set out to fix infrastructure—but their humor sparked conversation. That’s the power of a well-roasted city.

Example 3: “The Long Beach Traffic Symphony”

A former traffic engineer turned comedian created a tour that “conducted” the chaos of Ocean Boulevard. Using a baton and a speaker, he led a crowd in “symphonic honking” at the 7th and Ocean intersection. “That’s the violins,” he’d say. “That’s the timpani. And that one long honk? That’s the city’s existential cry.”

He turned it into a nonprofit initiative called “Honk for Hope,” donating proceeds to pedestrian safety programs. His tour is now part of Long Beach’s official “Alternative Tourism” guide.

FAQs

Can I charge money for a roast tour in Long Beach?

Yes. As long as you have the proper permits and your content is clearly labeled as humorous entertainment—not a factual tour—you can charge admission. Many successful roast tours operate on a “pay-what-you-can” model to remain accessible.

Do I need insurance for a roast tour?

It’s highly recommended. General liability insurance protects you if someone slips, trips, or takes offense and sues. Look for policies through providers like Hiscox or CoverWallet that cover event-based activities.

Can I roast the city government or police?

You can roast systems, policies, or bureaucracy—but never individuals. Jokes about “the city’s eternal budget meetings” are fair game. Jokes about a specific council member’s appearance or personal life are not. Stay on the side of satire, not slander.

How do I handle someone who gets upset during the tour?

Apologize sincerely. Say, “I’m sorry if that landed wrong. We’re here to laugh with the city, not at anyone in it.” Offer them a free drink or snack from a partner business. Most people will appreciate the gesture.

Can I do this tour in winter?

Absolutely. Long Beach winters are mild and perfect for walking. In fact, fewer tourists mean your tour stands out more. Add cozy touches: hot cocoa stops, themed scarves, or “Winter Roast” editions.

How often should I update my tour?

Every 3–6 months. Add new targets (e.g., a new mural, a controversial sign, a viral TikTok spot). Remove outdated ones. Keep it fresh so repeat visitors have something new to laugh about.

Can I turn this into a podcast or YouTube series?

Yes! Many roast tour hosts turn their scripts into audio or video content. Record the tour, edit out crowd noise, add music, and release weekly episodes. It’s a powerful way to extend your reach beyond the physical tour.

Conclusion

Planning a roast tour in Long Beach isn’t just about writing jokes—it’s about curating a love letter wrapped in satire. It’s about turning the mundane into the magical, the frustrating into the funny, and the ordinary into the unforgettable. Long Beach has a soul, and a roast tour gives it a voice.

When you plan a roast tour, you’re not just leading people down a street—you’re inviting them to see their city with new eyes. To laugh at its contradictions, celebrate its resilience, and recognize the beauty in its quirks. The best roast tours don’t end when the last joke is told. They live on in the stories people tell afterward: “Remember that time we roasted the dolphin?”

Start small. Test your script on friends. Get feedback. Refine. Then step out into the sun of Ocean Boulevard, microphone in hand, and say what everyone’s thinking—but no one has dared to say out loud.

Because Long Beach doesn’t need another boring tour. It needs one that makes people laugh, remember, and come back for more.